Facebook has the flu.

There's an epidemic sweeping the Facebook world. It's called "25 Random Things" and has caused 98.7% of users (don't question my statistics) to reveal 25 things about themselves in the form of a note. I was lucky enough to receive the vaccine in time, and have launched a counter-offensive. Enjoy, and for the love of God, protect yourselves!

"So... I'm bored with reading the "25 Things about Me" lists, and have decided instead to tell you 25 (or however many I get to before becoming irreparably distracted) things that are not true about me. Here we go:

1) I'm graceful. My balance is impeccable and not once have I fallen up the stairs. My brother does it all the time, and I'm able to laugh at him because I know that due to my superior coordination, he will never be able to laugh at me about the same thing.

2) I get over things quickly. I don't wallow or dissect every minute thing that I could have done differently in order to make something turn out better like some people do. I don't understand why people can't let things go. What's happened has happened, get over it.

3) I'm a math whiz. No seriously, I kick arithmetic's ass.

4) I am an amazing singer, and am not tone deaf in the least. When I was in band in high school, I could tell, without fail, whether my horn was playing sharp or flat. Now I love singing in front of people, especially at work.

5) I don't have a personal bubble. I know most people don't like other people to get too close, but I'm totally cool with it and being in close proximity to other people doesn't make me uncomfortable. For this reason, I love huge house parties. They're such great ways to meet new people!

6) I got a tattoo because I thought it would be a good conversation starter. It doesn't really mean anything, I just made something up after I got it so that I could legitimize it in conversations.

7) I don't like animals. They're gross and just get in the way. I don't understand how people can have pets because they cost so much money and require so much time to take care of. I think it's especially annoying when people whose pets die get upset about it. I mean, it's just an animal. Buy a new one.

8) My lack of self confidence is a complete charade. I pretend to be self-conscious so that people will feel sorry for me. It's a way of trolling for compliments, really.

9) I have the most boring dreams. I hear people talking about their exciting dreams all the time and I get so jealous! My dreams are always so mundane; nothing that couldn't happen in real life ever happens in them. I never have cool, fantastical dreams where a unicorn suddenly turns into my cousin and gives me an epic mission to travel across Bubble Land to save Princess Gaseous. I wish I would. Just once.

10) I love it when people read and critique my writing. Written words are really impersonal, and having people tell me how to change my writing to make it better is great. When I got a B- on a paper in my English class, I read over the professor's every comment, making sure I committed every correction to memory.

11) I hate road trips. Spending that much time in a car is horribly boring. I'd rather just fly to wherever I'm going and avoid all the hassle of having to find rest stops because the co-pilot downed 3 gallons of 7up slushy. People rant and rave about how great the scenery is, and that it's amazing to be able to see so much of the country up close and personal, but I love flying and airports, and would take a plane over a car any day.

12) I cut my hair off short because I want to stand out and have everybody look at me. I love being the center of attention, and I think that having short hair really helps with that. I'm not surprised or taken-aback when people compliment me, in fact I get kind of offended when people don't notice my awesome hair.

13) I'm really girlie. Growing up, most of my friends were girls and they were all jealous of my doll collection. My brother had a lot of cars and LEGOS, but I would never play Car City with him or help him with his Technics. I used to hate it when Mike's friends came over because they were all guys, and I've always felt more awkward around guys than girls. It's a lot easier for me to be friends with girls than it is guys, and I think that has a lot to do with the fact that while my brother was always playing outside, I would be inside with my dolls and tea set.

14) My brother and I don't get along very well. I'm really jealous of the relationships my friends have with their siblings, because Mike and I just can't seem to connect. We never played together when we were little, and now I think that as we're turning into adults, that's taken a huge toll on our relationship. I don't feel like I can tell him anything, and he doesn't trust me with any of his secrets. I just wish we could find some common ground.

15) I tell people that I love to read books, but really that's just a line I use to make people think that I'm more cultured. I think reading's boring, and I'd much rather watch a movie based on a book that read the book itself. I have the complete works of Edgar Allan Poe on my shelf because I think it would impress someone who saw it, but I've never actually read any of the works in it and I don't intend to.

16) I hate camping and not being able to shower for days on end; give me a hotel and heated pool any day. I'm so glad that my parents finally bought an RV, because it makes camping bearable! When I was little we did a lot of backpacking and camping, but I always hated it. I just don't understand the appeal of wandering out into the middle of nowhere to live campfire-style without running water.

17) I don't care what people think about me.

18) That guy? The one I helped pack up for college the day he left? I don't think about him every day.

19) I make a point of telling people where I'm from because I think they'll think I'm cooler if they hear where I was born. If someone asks where I'm from, I tell them I'm from Alaska, not Anchorage, because if I tell them I'm from Anchorage they might not get right away what state I'm from. I want people to know that, and I try to work it into all my conversations with new people I meet; I don't give my friends an opportunity to say it for me.



I'm done. 19 is all I can come up with."